Why He Breaks Me

Okay, it's been awhile. I have a problem. I think these half-thoughts, and I'm like "Oh yes I should blog about that." Then, I don't. And I tell ya what, I frustrate myself so much. So this is like three months' worth of my half-thoughts. Good luck.

I've been really into Sidewalk Prophets over the last couple months. Seriously, I am a fan. There's just something about them. Anyway, their song "Keep Making Me" has been popular over the last year or so, and recently I've started actually listening to the lyrics. [[you know, instead of just singing them at the top of my lungs in my car with the windows rolled down]]. Each verse starts with essentially a request to God:

"Make me broken, so I can be healed... Make me empty, so I can be filled... Make me lonely, so I can be Yours."

Like wait. Hold up. Make me what? None of those sound all that great to me. I mean the results do. But can't I be healed, filled and His without the other things? Have you ever been broken? Empty? Lonely? The answer for all humans is undoubtedly yes [[if you aren't human, congrats.]] But seriously, after experiencing the valleys, have you ever--even for a second--wanted to go back to those moments? Lord knows I don't. So why on earth do we ask Jesus to make us that way?

Because, folks, those valleys are where redemption happens. We are not healed until we have known what it is to feel brokenness. We are not filled until we have known what it is to feel emptiness. We are not His until we have known what it is to be the world's. Our lives, our sins, our trials--they all need redeemed.

The ground we walk on is cursed. The food we eat is cursed. The air we breathe is cursed. And somehow, God takes the cursed ground and brings flowers forth. He takes the food we eat and allows it to nourish us. He takes our air and He lets us use it to make words--which are so powerful. He takes us, wretched men that we are [[Romans 7:24]], and He REDEEMS us. He works through us.

But He won't do that when we aren't willing to let Him. So we're here, feeding on our own dreams and relationships and power. He watches us starve ourselves on those, calling all the while for us to just BREAK.

Because when we break, we see our own futility. I am as nothing before Him. All of the lifetimes in the span of mankind's existence are as one breath of His [[Psalm 39:5]]. Everything I am is what He makes of me. What do I have that I have not been given? What have I ever earned? Nothing [[1 Corinthians 4:7]]. I can feed on the frivolities of this life, but they will starve me. The real me is broken, empty, lonely. That is all I am. Miraculously, though, I find that when I realize my own imperfection, His perfection becomes all the more powerful. That's where He redeems me.

If you're broken, empty, lonely, confused, hurting, ____________ [[fill in the blank]], I have news for you: God is still good where you are. He is still in the business of redeeming you, and He will meet you right there if you ask Him to. You don't have to reach a certain point on the ladder for Him to redeem. You just need to recognize your brokenness. 

Sometimes, it shocks me that I get so caught up in the things of the world that I forget about Jesus. I actually need to reach brokenness before I remember where my Strength is from. And you know, I'd be hard-pressed to tell you what I'm more ashamed of--the fact that I sometimes dread the moment when God will break me, or the fact that I need to be broken at all in order to see Him.

In those valleys we walk--when the shadow of death breathes over us--God is still good. Jesus is just as alive in our darkness as He is in our light. When I hit rock bottom, which I have [[hard]], the Rock that meets me there is Christ. I'd much rather land there than in sinking sand.

In my ups and downs, Jesus remains constant. When I fail, He's good. When I'm filled with joy, He's good. When I'm walking in the wrong direction, He's good. When I'm listening to His call, He's good. When I'm broken, He's good. When I'm empty, He's good. When I'm lonely, He's good. No matter what I am, He is still good.

Can I just have a minute? Because seriously, how great is that?

I love the good days, because they remind me how beautiful life is. I appreciate the hard days because they remind me how beautiful brokenness can be. I am overwhelmed by--so in awe of--the way God redeems me in those times.

So here's to being broken, empty and lonely. Because Jesus heals, fills and comforts.