On Failure (And Other Things Typical of My Life)

No surprise here: I lack self-discipline and commitment.

I'd like to do better. [[Standard line]]

For approximately the sixth time, I am picking the blog back up. I'm stepping into the Light again, since I've hidden away for about nine months. I do have a laundry list of excuses, and they mostly consist of things like:

• I worked all summer. It was busy.
• My last semester of college was packed, and I couldn't justify writing a blog when my capstone paper was staring me in the face.
• Working 8:00-5:00 is actually really hard; how do adults have time for anything besides work and sleep?
• _____________ [[Fill in any excuse here; I've probably used it to justify not writing.]]

But there is one other reason I've been... avoiding the blog. 

I failed Seven.

I was doing okay until summer started, and then I kind of lost all the steam. [[If you missed my whole Seven escapade, check out my adventures pre-failure here, here, and here.]]

Here's how Seven was supposed to go:

• June: Spending 
• The goal of this month is to only spend money in seven places. Basically, you get groceries, gas, a variety of bills, and maybe a coffee shop.
• July: Stress
• By observing seven daily pauses, you're supposed to have month seven cap off the entire experience. It's a sort of refresh and reboot type of month.

Here's how Seven actually went:

• June: Spending
• You guys. As a 21-year-old college student, I really only spend my money in like four places. This month was so easy I stopped keeping track—which meant I definitely spent my money in way more than seven places because apparently I really like little coffee shops and movie dates with my people. Oops.
• July: Wait what?
• Seven was so over by this point. I'm not proud. But I spent a week of July in Guatemala, and the other three weeks working—and if you think I'm going to observe a daily pause in the middle of Dairy Queen's lunch rush, you obviously have never had the $5 lunch deal. I don't even think I breathed in July, let alone paused.

Honestly, friends, I felt like the adventure got less exciting in 2017. Somewhere in the year, I stopped thinking of it as the adventure. It's just been life. I started classes; I stressed a ton; I graduated; I go to work four days a week, and I spend the other three days catching up on sleep/Netflix/books.

I started 2017 in pursuit of Mercy. I ended 2017 in need of it.

I didn't do what I intended to do, so yes—I failed. But there have been millions of tiny little victories along the way. So, as I pick up this blogging thing [[weighing it out, testing the words on my fingertips again]], I'll leave you with this photo from 2017. I think it might be my theme for 2018. 

✨the pursuit is of righteousness, not perfection✨
•••
The journey, the space, the silence. All of it holy, holy, holy.
So we wait, in great expectation.

The journey will be marvelous, friends.

[[As always, to you who click these links even though they're notoriously sporadic: 

From the absolute bottom of my heart, thanks for sticking with me in this pursuit of righteousness.]]