4 Things You Probably Shouldn’t Say to a College Student

This post is a PSA. With a year under my belt of this crazy thing that people call college, I have collected four of the absolute worst statements/questions that I have heard most from friends, family, strangers, what-have-you. I’m calling them hate-ments.

Now, if you have said any of these “hate-ments” to me, fret not. It’s okay. I’ve said them to other people my age without thinking. We’re humans. We can’t help it. This is more of a friendly reminder that we college students are actual people, who do think of the future sometimes and maybe don’t always run on three hours of sleep and four cups of coffee like you might assume.

Ready? Okay, let’s do this thing:

[[Fellow college students, correct me if I’m wrong on any of these, and feel free to add your own hate-ments to this list. It is by no means exhaustive.]]

Hate-ment #1: “Have you met anyone?”

My gosh. I will tell you when I meet someone. If I meet someone. For real. Or I will post an Instagram because you know how much I like my photos. Honestly. I am nineteen years old, and I have an actual irrational fear of turning twenty. Clearly, I can barely handle my own life right now. I have no intention of finding a male counterpart to join me on this struggle bus. I am quite satisfied being a party of one, thank you.

Contrary to popular belief, the dating pool didn’t change much when I moved to college. Want to know why? Because I haven’t gotten in the pool yet. Please don’t ask me when I’m going to. Let me enjoy the sun for a while.

Hate-ment #2: “Oh, don’t worry! You have plenty of time to decide!”

I’m guilty of this one, to be honest. It’s the natural response to someone saying, “I’m undecided,” because what the heck else are you going to tell them? “Well, guess you’re screwed then, since you have no idea what you’re doing.” Obviously not. But the truth is, this hate-ment just sounds fake.

If you’re talking to someone who’s undecided, be real with them. Ask them how they feel—are they nervous? Feeling pressured by their own expectations, or even someone else’s? Anything but, “Oh that’s cool! You have time!”

When people would tell me I had time, I felt suffocated. I hated being handed an empty consolation when I felt like it was a lie. I just wanted someone to be honest and say, “Hey, you know what, that’s no fun.” Because it wasn’t. Not at all.

So to all you people who are still undecided—it sucks, doesn’t it? Call me sometime, and we’ll have coffee. Solidarity, man. Solidarity.

Hate-ment #3: “So what do you want to do [with that major]?”

Also guilty of this one. The log in my own eye, guys. It’s so real. Anyway. The only thing worse than people telling me I had time when I felt like I didn’t was people doubting my decision when I’d made one. I started my college career as a journalism major, and if I had a dollar for every time I heard some variation of “that career is going nowhere fast,” I would have bought my own private island and skipped college. (Okay, no one actually told me I was going nowhere, but there was disdain involved.)

See, I get it if you don’t understand what I’ve chosen to study. It’s okay. But please don’t ask me what I “want to do with that.” Ask me what my ideal job is. Ask me where I see myself in ten years—I promise I’ve thought about it. College kids aren’t always living in the present. We worry about the future, too.

Hate-ment #4: “These are the best days of your life.”

This one. Seriously. When people would say this to me, all I could manage to think was, “You mean it gets worse?”

Maybe someday, by the actual grace of God, I will look back on my college years and say, “Wow, those were the best days of my life.” But I highly doubt it, because I can think of a lot of years that were better than this last one. Namely years 1-18 of my existence. And you know what? That’s okay. Because everyone is different. People are allowed to look at their college experience and say, “Wow those were the best days of my life.” I am allowed to not be one of those people. No one gets to define the best days of our lives but us. 

So if you miss college right now, that is so so great. Really. And if you’re like me and you don’t miss it even a little bit? That is so so great, too. We all have days and years that are precious to us. They do not have to be the same. Actually, they shouldn't be.

So, Bailey, what's the take-away from all this nonsense? I'm so glad you asked:

Like I said, I ask these questions without thinking like 42% of the time. So whenever someone does it to me, I answer with a smile. It's totally cool. Maybe I’m the only one who is peeved by these hate-ments. In which case, I’ll just stand in solidarity with me, myself, and I. No big deal; it’s happened before. 

The most important thing is that you do talk to us college students. Ask us about life. We might not have that many answers, but we are asking ourselves so many questions. Walk the path alongside us. Isn't that what this Marvelous Light thing is all about?