January 2019: Recap

I am [hopefully] committing to the thing. 

["the thing" is blogging. regularly.]

[I have committed to this before. Once every February, in fact.]

I want to say it's different this year, that the words matter more now than they did before, that I'm ready to be inspired & inspiring. But none of it is really all that true.

It's probably not different this year. I made it a "resolution" to blog monthly, but I'll miss some months here and there because it's who I am. 

The words don't really matter any more now than they did a year ago—or four years ago, when I started this whole blog ordeal. They're heavier sometimes, more alive and real. But they don't magically hold more importance.

And I'm not "inspired." I don't feel an urge to write and suddenly bleed beauty everywhere. I wish it were like that, though; it would be neat. I've always been the [very millennial] type to think the words can only happen when I feel like it. I'd wait for the perfect thing, and only when I was sure I had it would I let it out of my brain.

I'm not doing that anymore, because I could wait decades for the perfect "inspiration." So this is just a monthly recap of life. Things I'm doing, reading, watching, loving. I'll tell my little corner of the interwebs all about it—and I'll ask what's happening in your corner. Together, we'll do this whole 2019 thing [and welcome in a new decade at the end of it all.]

So. Here we go:

January 2019

I got to usher in 2019 with a few of my favorite people. I love them more than just about anything.

 And these two, who make all our vacations possible. I am the luckiest.

**shameless selfie. it's fine**

I have two really really cool roommates. I'm so excited about doing life with them; you have no clue.

Left: I had some classes with Hannah at Grace, and then she ended up interning where I work. It was 100% fate (aka God), and I decided I really wanted to be friends. She's great. Seriously.

Right: DEBS. I've lived with Deborah for three-ish years, and she's as grand as ever. Her two cats moved in with us, too, and they're not-so-grand. But it's okay. We're currently binge-ing our way through The Mentalist & Brooklyn 99. (We're also taking recommendations.)

We took a roommate-date to Goshen and walked out of BetterWorld Books with... a lot less money than we had going in. It was worth it, though.

Aaaaand the not-so-great part of January was sending this sweet girl off to Kenya for a month. She's the very best; I could gush for days. Her heart for the world is one of my favorite things, and I'm honored to have her as my best friend—but the U.S. isn't half as fun without her.

[If you want to pray for Jenna while she's in Kenya, there's a prayer calendar for her here. Sign up for a day—or three!]

What I'm Reading

SO MANY THINGS. I've started too many books already in 2019 (and I'd like to get 50 read by the end of the year. Here's my currently-reading stack:

Quick thoughts all these:

• The Accidental Creative is a book my boss gave our whole office. It requires me to actually think while I read it, but it has been so. good. at helping me put words to my working tendencies. [Basically, I write for a living. And I don't know how to turn it off.]
• I'm going through Because He Loves Me with a couple friends of mine. Highly recommended for rethinking performance-based living. [Hellooooo Bailey.]
• I've been working on I, Eliza Hamilton since September I think. I'm still obsessed with Hamilton, in case anyone was wondering.
• The Girl in the Red Coat is my current read for the 2019 POPSUGAR Reading Challenge [a book with an item of clothing on the cover]. Will doing a reading challenge inspire me to get 50 books read? Time will tell.
• The Road Back to You is an Enneagram book. If you haven't heard of the Enneagram, don't look it up. It'll suck you in. If you have heard of it, read this book. 
• Imperfect Courage: loaned to me by a Noonday-wearing friend. I'm on board. I'm literally going to her trunk show tomorrow morning. I'm all in for this jewelry. [The book is a 6-7 out of 10 though.]

What I'm Watching

Netflix & Hulu & television in general are all curses. But I'm sucked in:

• Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I was a late adopter here because I was really skeptical of the "crime show" category mixing with the "sitcom" category. My sister basically forced me to watch it. Now I can't stop, and it's one of the only shows that makes me actually laugh out loud.
• FBI on CBS. Missy Peregrym is my girl. I love her. I would watch her in anything. Bonus that it's a crime show. [Please tell me you guys have seen this.]
• Aaaand, my guilty pleasure is 100% Heartland on Netflix. I read this YA book series in middle school [during my horseback-riding phase] about a girl who lives on a horse ranch and basically just gets to ride and care for horses all day. She has a cute boyfriend, too. I found out that Canada turned it into a tv series. [All good things come from Canada; I will fight about this.] It's a little dramatic, and the acting is so-so, but i. do not. care.

What I'm Listening To

Each of these has been on repeat at least once at the office this past week:

• Portland, Maine ~ Donovan Woods [although I JUST NOW discovered it was originally sung by Tim McGraw, so I think I might like it less now.]
• Bees ~ Ballroom Thieves
• Untamed ~ Eddie Berman
• How Can I Keep From Singing ~ Audrey Assad [I actually keep these lyrics on an index card on my desk.]

What I'm Doing With My Life

Isn't that just the million-dollar question? I'm stuck halfway between "going home on the weekends to live the narrative that's comfortable to me" and "trying to build something that matters in Warsaw because it's the narrative I have right now." It doesn't always make sense [and it's a two-steps-forward-one-step-back kind of life], but there is a holiness so deep here that I know someday—someday—I will see these years as formative. They matter. I'm figuring it out, still. But I know they matter.

Also. I cleaned almost my entire apartment tonight. I have never done such an adult thing in my life. I'm calling it progress.

[As always, to you who stick with these to the very end—you are champs. I cannot express the gratitude. Thanks for giving the words weight.]